The following are selected questions and answers from Aboo
Rawaahah ‘Abdullaah Ibn Eesaa
al-Mawree’s published questions to Shaykh ‘Ubayd al-Jaabiree on the topic of
polygamy.
[Q.5]: Some people of knowledge exclude from the
impermissible backbiting (gheebah),the backbiting a woman commits against her
co-wife,so what is the ruling concerning that?
[A.5]: First of all we say:where did they derive that
exception from? It is incumbent that this be supported with evidence for indeed
the origin of backbiting is that it is
impermissible.Also,backbiting is not permissible except when a legislative
matter cannot be achieved except by way of it, and one does not go beyond what
needs to be mentioned out of necessity.So until today, I do not know of any evidence
that permits a woman to backbite her
co-wife, meaning out of oppression and transgression.However,if it is due to a
defect regarding her Religion,whether this defect necessitates fisq (i.e. being
a rebellious sinner) or kufr (disbelief), then she (i.e. the co-wife) is like
everyone else and should be warned against and there is no problem with this.
Also, I just now
remembered his statement (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) to ‘Aa’ishah
(radiyallaahu ‘anhu) when she said,”It suffices you regarding so and so that
she is short.” She meant by this: Safiyyah,may Allaah be pleased with all of
them. He (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,”Indeed, you have said a word,if
it was mixed with the sea it would have changed its odor and taste.”[1]
He (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said this, or close to this meaning. At any rate, backbiting is impermissible and nothing is excluded from this except what constitutes necessity as we previously mentioned.
[Q.13]: Is it necessary that each wife have a bayt shar’ee
and what are the conditions of this type
of house?[2]
[A.13]: A separate
house specific for the wife is from her legislated rights.Because of
this the people of knowledge have said that one should not have two wives in
one house, meaning in a small house which is one dwelling; except if they both agree.You find some people who
place each wife in their own room, but if they agree to this there is no objection. However the origin is that
each of them has their own separate house in which she does not have to share
with anyone, except perhaps his or her family members and other than them who may visit, and their
affair is well known.But again,this house belongs to her and she possesses the
keys and she does in it the likes of what women normally do in their homes.
Also the bayt shar’ee differs according to different circumstances and
different customs. Custom plays a part in this. You find that the dwelling of the Bedouin women is not like the dwelling
of the city women. Even the types of dwellings of the city women differ.
Also the condition of the husband should be examined
and what he is able to afford. Because
of this we advise the men not to marry
women who are above them in social status; meaning from the aspect of wealth
and money. He therefore should seek a woman similar to him in social status or
a class lower.
[Q.14]: Perharps the first wife acquired jewelry and
furniture from her husband over a long
period of time, so is it obligatory for him to give to the second wife the
likes of what the first has of furniture and jewelry?
[A.14]: The first wife has preceded in marriage with the
husband and has previously received things before the co-wife came along. So
due to this long relationship, she acquired things of jewelry and furniture, so
it is not required of him that he gives the second wife all of this; because
the first received what she received due to her long marriage.So if he wants to
be equal and just regarding both of them as Allah the Mighty and Majestic
commanded, he must start this from the time of marriage (i.e. when he took on
the second wife). Meaning, whatever
comes about in the future (he must be just).However, as far as the past,
he is not commanded to make the second equal to the first.
[Q.17]: A man wants to get married and he already has a
wife. However, he is afraid that some family problems may occur between him and his first wife, keeping
in mind that by him taking on a second wife will protect him from evil and fitnah
(i.e. fornication etc…),so which of these two harms are greater?
[A.17]: I say in response to this:polygamy is the right of
the man just as Allaah commanded,
“Marry the women that you like, two, three or
four.”{Sooratun-Nisaa’ 4:3}
So it is a right of his and she has no right to prevent him.
Also we previously said that if she dislikes that, meaning she does not like
that her husband marries a second, this is from her fitrah (natural
disposition), but it is not permissible that she harms him in his self or his
wealth. As for what the questioner thinks, that problems will occur between them, this matter in reality returns to him. If he is able to solve his
problems and to suffice each of
them (their needs) so that the first
will have nothing to say about the
second (this should be done).For
example, that he makes both of their homes far apart, this will be something
recommended in this instance.
Also the questioner mentioned that polygamy will protect him
from fitnah.What is apparent is that the first wife is unable to keep
him chaste and this is that which emphasizes the obligation of polygamy upon
him. However,just to keep good relations, he should make her feel good and
speak to her in a soft manner and also show her that he did not get a second
wife because he doesn’t desire her anymore, nor because she is falling short in
her duties; rather because it is a matter
which Allaah legislated so he wants to enjoy what Allaah made
permissible for him. Also, he should
promise her that he will not deprive her of her rights and he will not fall
short regarding her. Also he promises her that he will (continue) to maintain
good relations with her and he will not forget her good companionship to him. He
should mention these goodly words; but
if she stubbornly resists and he sees
and he sees himself capable of being just and that polygamy will keep him
chaste, let him take another wife and let him not worry about her.
[Q.18] A woman harms herself when her husband takes another
wife, so if the husband does this (i.e. takes another wife in this instance) is
he sinful?
[A.18]: No, never, she is sinful and this is his right! And
in reality this shows the weakness in her Religion.
[Q.19]: What is the ruling on the one who sees that by often
mentioning to his wife that he will take on another wife, in this is a
preparation in order to lessen the problems when the marriage actually takes
place? Or is it better that he remains silent and does it when she does not
expect it?
[A.19]: My opinion is that it is best that one is balanced,
and this is by him not speaking to her about polygamy, lest he may hurt her
feelings.However, when he is ready , he speaks to her in a good, soft way, just
as preceded. Also he should make her beautiful promises and fulfill those promises. Likewise he
should fulfill with her that which he was already accustomed to doing with her in having good
dealings. As for just surprising her with this (i.e. getting another wife), I
do not see this to be correct.
[Q.20]: I s it a condition to have the permission of the
wife before one takes on another wife?
Also if they (i.e. her family,
walee (guardian etc.) make a condition
upon him not to take on other wives, does he fulfill that condition, although he fears for
himself fitnah and becoming sinful?
[A.20]: As for him seeking her permission, then we have
already spoken about this in a previous question so there is no need to repeat.
As for making a condition upon the man that he does not take on a second wife,
the most correct opinion is that it is a shart baatil (an invalid
condition) because it is not found in the Book of Allaah.[3]
[Q.22]: If one of the wives does not cook lunch for her
husband or other than that, is it then permissible for him to go to the other wife’s
house and eat there?
[A.22]: This affair should be examined. If the wife was able
to cook or buy food then in reality she is negligent and he has the right to go
and eat the other wife’s house.However, if a matter intervened that did not
allow her to prepare the food and was out of her hands, he is not allowed to go
to the other wife’s house. Rather, he should buy food for everyone or give her
some time to allow her to cook.
[Q.27]: O Shaykh – may Allaah preserve you - some people claim that only obligation upon
the wife is to give herself intimately to her husband, and it is not incumbent
upon her to take care of the house, clean
and carry out her husband’s needs?
[A.27]: This is another matter – may Allaah bless you – the
woman should take care of the needs of her husband according to what is done
customarily amongst the people (i.e. of her land,tribe,background etc.).
Endnotes:
[1]: Saheeh:Related by Aboo Daawood (no.4875) and
at-Tirmidhee (2/82),Ahmad in al-Musnad (6/189) and at-Tahaawee (2/190).It was
authenticated by al-Albaanee in Ghaayatul-Maraam (no.427).
[2]: A bayt shar’ee is the house usually found in Arab
countries where a part of the house consists of a majlis (large living room)
and the bathroom is sectioned off from
the main part of the house with a separate entrance in order to avoid
mixing when either the wife or husband has guests ,and Allaah knows best.
[3]: Here the Shaykh is refering to the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah
(radiyallaahu ‘anhaa) that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)
said,”What is wrong with people who
impose conditions that are not found in the Book of Allaah? Whatever condition
imposed and not found in the Book of Allaah is invalid,even if it be one
hundred conditions.Related by al-Bukhaaree (no.2729) and Muslim (no.1504).This
footnote is in the original Arabic text by Aboo Rawaahah.
Translation by: Abu Suhayl Anwar Wright
~
